|Full Name||Chris Columbo|
|Relationships||Brad Armstrong - Victim|
Tom Cream - Friend
Sergei Rage - Friend
Larry Sports - Friend
Spaghetti - Pet
|Role||Leader of the Gents|
|Appearances||LISA: THE PAINFUL RPG|
- "Time is a great teacher. Sadly, it kills all it's pupils... Howdy motherfucker."
Description[edit | edit source]
Columbo is an odd looking man, with a black mohawk, red nose and sunglasses. He rides his pet deer, Spaghetti, rather than walking.
Story[edit | edit source]
Columbo first appears in the opening scene of the game, in the Neighborhood. Rick, Sticky and Cheeks allegedly stole Columbo's ball and were getting beat up by Columbo and his gang. Brad intervenes and lies to Columbo that he stole the ball to be beaten up instead. He beats up Brad and leaves.
He is next seen in Path to the Beginning after his friend, now crew members, hit Brad with a truck. He provides Brad with an ultimatum: Lose all of his belongings or give up Terry's life. Columbo accepts Brad's decision and leaves with his gang by taking Brad's stuff or Terry.
Columbo is later seen in beginning of the transition area between Area 2 and Area 3, after Rando's men are gone. He and his gang will appear near the entrance of a cave. At first, he will taunt Brad, saying something related to decisions he's made throughout the game, but then he will show him buddy's mask.
The final time he is seen is in Stone Village, where he proposes a race with Brad. If Brad wins, he provides him with Hair-Gro (on Normal Mode) or Hyper Hair-Gro (on Pain Mode). Then, regardless of the result of the race, he laments the loss of his crew and apologizes for tormenting Brad for so many years. He then shoots his deer and himself.
Locations[edit | edit source]
He's seen around or mentioned in some places. He does appear in New Roads, you can see him near a cliff. However, this is a bug--he is floating and cannot be interacted with. Attempting to approach him will lead to falling off the cliff. Additionally, during Queen Roger's job, his deer will walk into Brad's room. Columbo's voice will then ask where his deer Spaghetti has gone.
Notes[edit | edit source]
- His full name is never revealed in-game. Only by looking at the game files or the title of his track in the soundtrack would one discover his name.
- Chris Columbo has his own battle theme in the soundtrack, but it is not heard in-game. He may have been planned as a fight at some point during development.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Columbo's name strongly resembles that of Christopher Columbus, an Italian explorer and colonizer who completed four voyages across the Atlantic Ocean that opened the New World for conquest and permanent European colonization of the Americas.
- Columbo seems to use a large vocabulary for someone like him. This may possibly be an attempt to appear smart or educated.
- Spaghetti can occasionally appear as a guest at The Beehive.
- Dingaling has said that Chris Columbo was envious of everyone but himself. 
- Columbo's death is canon. 
- Columbo has enemy battle data in the final game code and an unused battle theme in the soundtrack, but isn't fought in the game proper. He has 1000 HP and knows the move Fireball.
- In the beta, Chris Columbo might have played a different role in the Beta story line, as he has sprites of him sitting on a chair and a seesaw.
- He is seen in the party member list for the Beta. Columbo, along with Peter Smoove, Hawk Hollywood, Jimmy Winner, Peen Dillies, Creep and one of the Barrel Bros. were all possible party members before changing roles.
References[edit | edit source]
|Brad Armstrong • Rando • Buzzo • Buddy • Lisa • Marty Armstrong|
|Terry Hintz • Crisp Ladaddy • RT • Rooster Coleman • Olan Hoyt • Nern Guan • Rage Ironhead • Percy Monsoon • Mad Dog • Shocklord • Fardy Hernandez • Queen Roger • Carp • Harvey Alibastor • Clint Olympic • Buckets • Buffalo Van Dyke • Tiger Man • Ollie Nickels • Geese Thompson • Dick Dickson • Jack • Sonny Backluwitz • Yazan Barghouti • Beastborn • Fly Minetti • Ajeet Mandeep • Garth • Bo Wyatt • Birdie Hall|
|Dr. Yado • Richard "Rick" Weeks • Tony "Sticky" Angoneli • Cheeks Gaywood • Columbo|