The self proclaimed historian of his time. He talks a lot.
Party Member
Full Name Nern Xiao Guan
Nickname Nern
Class Orator
Equip Types
Weapon Types Handgun / Six Shooter
Armor Types Accessory / Shawl / Small Shield / Bald
Skill Types Topics / Powers
Target Rate 100%
Evasion 5%
Hit Rate 95%
Crit Chance 4%
"Oh hello there! My name is Nern. I'm considered the greatest historian of our time... I've gathered a wealth of knowledge about Olathe and what happened here. Many tales... Would you like to hear? Hmm... I wish you were more enthusiastic... Oh well, I'll tell you anyway. Let's see.... Oh right! It all started with what I like to call, THE FLASH. I was sitting with my wife, god rest her soul, sipping on sweet lemon tea. I believe it was homemade by my sweet wife, God rest her soul. Or wait... Maybe she bought it from the store in a bottle. You know, like a plastic bottle? Well hold on now, that would be ridiculous to buy a bottle of sweet lemon tea, then transfer the contents into a glass. Why not just drink it from the bottle? I guess maybe so she could put ice in the glass? But then again, making tea homemade would be just as time consuming, if not more! That sneaky bitch... Anyway, I'll save that story for later! So, I'm sitting on my porch drinking sweet lemon tea. From a glass of course, ho ho! When suddenly... A great strangeness fills my body... Something was wrong... I've lived many years, and I've never felt something like this before. Do you know what it was? Yup! It was my rocking chair! That wooden son of a gun stopped rocking! So I looked down and realized a little rock had gotten caught beneath my chair! A rock under my rocking chair! What a day! I decided it was time for bed, I had had a little bit too much excitement for one day! Hoho! I slid into my jammies, brushed my teeth, and said my prayers. As I was climbing into bed I noticed my wife, God rest her soul, brushing her hair in the bathroom. As I peered across the hall my body swelled up with emotion...

"Why can't I be married to an attractive woman?" "Is it me?" "My bank account?" I'm a tall guy, I workout forty minutes a week... Is that not enough? Now my neighbor at the time, Tom Forknight, was very short. His wife, Karen Forknight-Plateburger... Yeah, one of THOSE women. Well, she was more attractive than my wife. I'd say she was a soft six, whereas my wife was a hard four. What's the deal? I thought women liked tall men? Why was Karen with him? Anyway my horse of a wife, God rest her soul, crawled into bed next to me. She decided to leave the bedside light on so she could read her book. It was one of her romance novels again... Give me a break... As if I don't already feel inadequate enough... Not only do I have to compete with Tom, now I have to deal with these fictional hunks! Ay yai yai! At this point I had already suppressed the urges of intimacy, I rolled over and tried to sleep. Her bedside light was only of minor annoyance. I was able to drift off... Then I woke up to a big flash of light. That's about it. I can tell by the way you're walking away that you don't want to leave... If you really want to hear another story I'll tell you. Once upon a hot summer night. Sometime in July... Was it July? My local grocery store sells really good eggs in July. I don't know why. Do chickens operate better in heat? Fireworks maybe? I don't know. I don't want to get off topic. Point is, the eggs that Summer were marvelous! Anyway, my wife and I, God rest her soul, went to a BBQ that night. It was held at Dale Spooner's house. Well, his backyard... Conny Spooner doesn't want people in her home, I think she's just an uptight bitch. So at this BBQ I see none other than... That's right, Tom Forknight... Now earlier in the day my wife, God rest her soul, had made potato salad for the BBQ. Personally I hate potato salad, I'm a mashed kind of fellow. Hoho! So I sat in the TV room avoiding her till the BBQ. Once we were at the party, I made sure to distance myself from my dumb potato bitch wife. God rest her soul, I just didn't want anyone to think I would associate with someone that would bring a potato salad! Anyway, Tom and his above mediocre wife were already there. And get this, they brought a fruit salad! With whipped cream! The nerve of those Forknights! Needless to say I gave my wife, God rest her soul, a couple choice words About whipped cream! Versus potato salad! God dammit! Son of a bitch! A real tongue lashing! Geez, you're kind of smothering me. I'll talk to you later."


Nern is one of the first Party Members Brad can invite to his party. Found on Nern's Cliff, to the west of the Mountain, he is a man who likes to talk about himself and the past.

He is an excellent support party member for a large amount of the game and provides a lot of restoration Topics for the gang, being able to restore HP, SP and TP in large amounts while holding his own with offensive skills.

Being a librarian, he is a character who provides a lot of exposition, along with the history of Olathe and the White Flash.

Background[edit | edit source]

Name: Nern Xiao Guan

Fighting Art: Gunman

Past Occupation Librarian

Likes: The view from his porch

Favorite Food: Sweet Lemon Tea

Most Hated Thing: Dale Spooner

The annoying neighbor next door. Blessed with the gift of gab, cursed by the same gift. His parents emigrated from China.

Appearance[edit | edit source]


Nern Xiao Guan is a relatively tall man of Chinese descent, with black hair styled into a Queue, and (from his artwork) rough facial features, such as his prominent cheekbones, he also possesses facial hair in the form of a mustache. He wears a large green shawl, and black pants, as well as a red scrunchie at the end of his Queue.

Personality[edit | edit source]

Nern's personality is best described as annoying, as he ceaselessly talks about personal things from his life, such as his wife, God rest her soul, and his neighbors and past life. Despite saying the words "God rest her soul" in regards to his wife, he seems to hate her with a passion.

As a self-proclaimed historian, Nern provides some exposition on the mysterious White Flash, describing it as a sudden "bright light" which brought an end to society in Olathe.

How to invite to Party[edit | edit source]

Nern is located at Nern's Cliff west of the Mountain, through the bottom left door in the Area 1 Crossroads. This door is the one located under the word "Let's" in the graffiti "Let's find her". The player must speak to Nern and say they will listen to his story. He will go on a long tale about his wife, and sweet lemon tea. after he finishes the player must walk away which will make him tell another story. return the way you came and you will find Nern again, or rather, he will find you. He joins your party after another story. It is recomended to save after finding him in order to prevent sitting through his stories again.

Battle[edit | edit source]

Nern is a fairly useful support ally, in addition to healing HP and inducing fear and sleep, he has the unique abilities to also recover SP and TP. This means that Nern is capable of replenishing his own SP endlessly so he can use his support moves for even the longest of battles.

However, Nern isn't entirely a support character as Nern has Finger Beam attacks, but they do low to medium damage. And unlike most support characters, Nern can only inflect minor debuffs like sleep or scared on an enemy and not give allies positive status effects, nor remove harmful ones. And as said before, all of Nern's skills are single target.

Skills[edit | edit source]

Skill Name Description Level Learned MP Cost
Shoot Damages the enemy. 1 0
Finger Beam A concentration of energy blasted from the finger. 8 15
Finger Beam 2 A concentration of energy blasted from the finger. 14 20
Finger Beam 3 A concentration of energy blasted from the finger. 18 25
Finger Beam 4 A concentration of energy blasted from the finger. 19 30
Finger Beam 5 A concentration of energy blasted from the finger. 23 35
Finger Beam 6 A concentration of energy blasted from the finger. 25 40

Topics[edit | edit source]

Skill Name Description Level Learned MP Cost
Discuss Techniques Tell your friend some of your favorite techniques. Increases TP of one ally. 1 10
Discuss Powers Tell your friend some of your Superhero moves. Increases SP of one ally. 4 15
Ghost Story Tell a spooky tale to induce fear... 6 22
Discuss Health Tell your friends about the importance of health. Increases HP of one ally. 12 20
Insult Say something unsavory to induce a blind rage. 15 10
True Ghost Story Tell a very spooky tale to induce fear... 16 38
Bore Drone on about something no one cares about. Often puts people to sleep. 17 30
Dirty Insult Say something very unsavory to induce a blind rage. 20 12
Really Bore Drone on about something REALLY dumb. Often puts people to sleep. 21 50

Statistics[edit | edit source]

Statistics analysis

Core Statistics
2 387 94 12 12 21 16 25 30

Battle Quotes[edit | edit source]

Win Quotes[edit | edit source]

Level Quotes[edit | edit source]

Drop Quotes[edit | edit source]

  • Rot in Hell, Dale Spooner...
  • My sweet wife, God rest her soul...
  • Okay, back to my story!
  • That's one for the books!
  • Sweet lemon tea!

Default Equipment[edit | edit source]

Art[edit | edit source]

Tips[edit | edit source]

  • Nern's Discuss Powers skill Restores 30% SP with a cost of 15 SP and he can use this skill on himself, meaning if you are careful you can have infinite SP and HP
  • Nern's Finger Beams use SATK instead of ATK, meaning equipping him with better guns is mostly pointless since you'll likely rarely be using his default shoot ability.

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • As Austin said in an interview, Nern Guan was supposed to be a reference to the name of the lead actor of the movie "Fight Among Supers".
  • Nern's Finger Beam attack may reference Yusuke Urameshi's Spirit Gun attack from Yu Yu Hakusho.
  • Nern's design is quite similar to Mercenary Tao from Dragon Ball, and his Finger Beam might also reference the Dodon Beam from Mercenary Tao.⁽ᵘⁿᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ⁾
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